Testimonies

Jessica Gallegos' Testimony/ "It's My Life."

     Hi, my name is Jessica.
     I thank God for everything He has done in my life. I am the only child of a powerful man and woman of God. My dad is the pastor of The Joshua Generation for Jesus in Gallup, NM. My mother received Christ as her personal Lord, Savior & Friend when I was being knitted within her womb. And my dad came to Christ exactly one year later.
    I was raised in church, my parents did an excellent job of instilling into me the teachings of God. I grew up knowing God and all the wonderful things He is. As I got older I started to drift farther and farther away from God.
     Being a pastor's kid is a very hard thing. I have watched my parents who have hearts so big, strive to help the hurting people of this world. I have seen them pour their lives into so many people. I have seen them get hurt, stabbed in the back, and talked badly about when they were just doing what God told them to do. They did the best they could do to help people and point them to God. I didn't understand and became very angry and bitter with the church and with God. The reason why I got so mad is because I took my eyes off of God and I focused them on man. When I did this of course, I got discouraged, hurt and angry. Because no man is perfect except through Jesus Christ and by focusing on man and thinking like hypocrites, church became just a "religion" to me, instead of a relationship with God.
     I started to play the part, go through the motions and I did it very well. But God knows all things. I had two-lives. One was to play church-- I didn't want to make my parents look bad. The other was I could hardly wait until I was 18, thinking, "'Spread my wings and FLY', 'Do whatever I want' , 'Be my own boss'." You know the teenage stuff.
     I started to sneak out, go to parties, drink, and smoke weed. When I turned 18, I had all my things packed and was out of the house. I was on my way to becoming a responsible adult, or so I thought. I started out really well, worked hard, paid my bills, went out only on the weekends, popped into church every other Sunday to get my parents off my back. It was GREAT!
    My dad always told me, "If you give the devil an inch he will take a mile," or "sow the wind, reap the world wind." I heard him but I never listened. But soon I would find out exactly what those words really meant.
    I thought I had it all together doing whatever I wanted to do. I thought it was so great being in control of my own life. Then all of a sudden I started loosing control. I started drinking everyday, completely stopped going to church, quit my job, and got kicked out of my house. I had nowhere else to go but to go back home with my parents. Moving back in with my parents did not change a thing. I got another job and continued doing whatever I wanted.
     I was in a relationship that completely devasted me. Instead of turning to God who had His arms wide open for me, I lost my mind and tried to kill myself. As I was sitting in my car in the middle of nowhere cutting my arms and getting ready to slice myself open, by the grace of God I got a phone call from my cousin, wanting me to go over and get drunk. I pulled myself together and went to go drink away my pain.
    I met a man who is now serving the Lord with me to this day, but then it was different. We were both bound to drugs and alcohol. I began a relationship with him, which I believe was put together by God, we just didn't know it yet.
     I ran away from home with just the clothes on my back. I can't even imagine the pain of my parents when they had no idea where there only little girl was. My dad was crying out to God to show him where his baby girl was to see if I was okay. It was about three to four weeks that I had been gone, when one morning my dad was driving and God began to tell him turn by turn which way to go. I am not talking about someone telling him where I was, I am telling you just him and God--one on one. God led him to the exact house where I was at! I was so mad and ashamed. Mad because I thought someone told him where I was. Ashamed because of the look on my dad's face when he saw me come to the door. I looked pretty bad with my eyes bloodshot and poesy from staying up for days because I was snorting coke and getting drunk. My heart broke when I saw my dad's eyes began to water as he said, "Come on babe, and let me take you home." I was so bitter and caught up in the mess I was in that I didn't even realize that my dad just wanted to help me. For the first time in my life I told my dad, "No."
    My boyfriend Robbie and I continued living the lifestyle of just getting by for our next high. We were living from one party house to the other. We even slept in my car a few times. It got to the point where just putting cocaine up our nose wasn't enough and we started smoking it. We were living in a cracked down motel and I'd been up for four days smoking crack, when I started to hate the life I was now stuck in. I hated that I had no peace. I was so tired, but couldn't get any sleep because I was crawling in my skin, feeling for my next hit. Nothing would satisfy. My body wanted more and more,that was all I could think about. It was like I was living a nightmare and I couldn't wake up.
     I was in and out of jobs. We would do well for a while for maybe for two months at the most, and then we would be stuck right back in the same hole. If some of you are out here reading this and are stuck in this same black hole, there is only one way out and that is through Jesus Christ.
     Trust me, there is one way that you can do it on your own and have total peace. If there are some of you out theer who have done it on your own, that's GREAT! But you could have so much more with God! Jesus Christ is the only one that can give you peace, joy and so much love that is beyond your understanding. Oh, and about that place in our heart that nothing and on one can fill, only God can make you whole and complete!

     Now I want to tell you how my life changed.

      I had been up for days smoking crack like I always was. I hated the life I was living, but was so addicted I did not know where to start to change. I went to the bathroom and as I passed the mirror I looked half-dead! I had dark circles around my eyes for not sleeping for days, my face was pale gray and so broken out that it looked like I had some kind of skin disease. My hair was thin and greasy from not taking a shower, and my lips burned so bad from the crack pipe that they had huge blisters. I sat on the bathroom floor and began to cry. I remembered from way before all this stuff happened that I had promised myself that I would never touch cocaine and here I was, on the bathroom floor because of it. I hated myself. My dad's words started to go through my head, "give the devil and inch, he will take a mile," "sow the wind, reap the world wind." At that moment I began to cry out to God, "I hate this, I don't want this anymore, I can't do it on my own I need help, 'I'm killing myself!'
God please help me I need you!"
       The very next day my parents were praying for me like they did everyday and God told them, "It's TIME!" They came to the house where I was and I went home.
     I asked God to forgive me and He did! I could feel him hold me in His arms like He used to when I was a little girl. He was the same loving God like He always was and is! He never left me, I left him and now I was back in His arms and I feel so free and loved!
    Before I left the house, my boyfriend Robbie and I agreed that we needed to change our lives, move out of the house we were in and go back to our own homes. Robbie stayed in that house for about three more weeks and then he went back home and started to go to church with me. His life didn't really change but I was trusting God that whatever He had planned for my life would be good, even if I did not like it at the time, because I loved Robbie so much.
    I remember it was a Saturday and I could not find Robbie. I drove around looking for him and found him drunk and high at some house. My heart was so broken because I did not live that life anymore and I didn't want anything to do with it, but the man that I was so in love with was standing before me doing the very things that I wanted to run away from. I didn't know what to do! I wanted to fall on the floor and cry and I wanted to yell, scream, and throw something all at the same time. Then Robbie held out his hand that was full of crack rocks. My flesh wanted to smoke them but my spirit was screaming, "No, DON'T DO IT!" I don't want that life anymore! I cried out to God within myself, "Please help me, what do I do?"
     At that moment I heard a small voice inside me say, "Just say no and go home."
     I did not know it at the time, but God was showing me how to win Robbie over by my conduct and not by my yelling and screaming. Even though I had good reason yell and scream because he had promised me that he was going to quit and change his life. I swallowed the big lump that was in my throat and scraped up all the strength I had. I gently closed his hand and said no. I gave him a kiss on his cheek, said I love you and walked out the door. It took everything I had to walk out the house, not knowing if that was going to be the last time I would see Robbie. I got in my car and began to cry as I drove home.
     When I got home I couldn't sleep, all I could do was cry. I went to the garage and called a really close friend from church and she began to pray with me. I completely gave Robbie to God. I told God that if Robbie and I were not meant for each other it was okay to take him out of my life, but I prayed if we were meant for each other, God would touch him and show him that God is God. I wanted a man who loves God with everything he has.
     It was around 5:30 am and I was on my knees in my garage when God covered me with a peace that was way beyond my understanding and I was able to go to sleep in total peace. Little did I know, that at the same time God wrapped me in his peace, Robbie heard a small voice inside him say "Go Home."
     God is awesome!
     To this day Robbie and I are together serving the Lord with everything we have. I thank God with all my heart for everything He has done and everything He is. Without him I would not be here today. He is so good!

     An encouraging note: To those of you out there who have been raised in church, that are believing the same lie that I did--being a Christian is no fun: DON'T GIVE IN!